As a Day Comes to An End

As the day comes to an End i still find myself weaping over things i cannot change and or do. what is it about a man that makes me just fall head over heals for him/ he knows who he is and he knows that i will do what ever it takes for him to realize that.

He mentioned me in his blogg about a day ago and was seeking substance or help with the way that he is.... I know that deep down i would love him maybe one day that day will come to where i have him in my arms and hold him tight, who knows that else will being me to this.... i know that he is going on a cruise in october if the weather is right for him to do so. i do hope that he will be safe and have a safe return home....

Expressing A feeling

Today's Topic is about how i am having problems expressing my feelings twards a person. People always tell me that i make it easy for them to tell things, if that be the case why is it so hard for me to find a good GUY to be with.

Grante i have several people that would like to Holla at me as you call it, but is there really a good guy for me? alot of times its hard for me to tell a guy how i feel, i went though my phone today and deleted all the numbers in my phone that did not mean nothing to me, some how i find myself keeping certain ones. Ones that either put something on me that i could not refuse or just ones that touched me in places that no other has done. those people would know who they are... Now its like i dont have a clue as to what i want to do anymore. that is why i find myself doing the things that mean most to me.. Being ME....... why is it like when i talk to a guy its like i already know what they are going to tell me, EX: your not my type, lets just be friend, yady yada and things of that nature... i would just like to find a guy thats always by my side eery minute no matter what situation im in... people say that i kold hearted or vein, in some ways. i dont think that i am, im just blunt with what i say...

Until then another day another dollar....

beneith my well beings

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to know what another person is thinking and or feeling? Well todays topic is about learing what you already know, and how true it can be

I have learned by my past relationships that you cannot always trust what the other is saying, grante im no artist of telling the complete truth about some things but most of which i tell is to the point if not right on target. Im a reader of people and love doing it, most of the time it comes with nature. i love to sit and watch people as they do there daily task.

I found out today that a guy that i once dated is seeing someone else, is it wrong of me to feel hurt by that? he stated that me and him will always be freinds, now take in mind that this is a person that i love being around and i loved doing things with, he was an all around guy, now take im mind also that he is like 8 yrs younger than i am but i didnt care, he was always there for the comfort of knowing that i could call him at anytime of the night and talk to him for hours. i love him still to this day and i would marry him if the laws of this state would let me. no doubt!!!

Im just wonding if its an infatuation that im seeing or a long life partner? could this be something that ive always wanted or soemthig to pass the time?

Perfect

I made her...she is different. She's Unique
With love i formed her in her mother's womb.
I fashioned her with great joy.
I remember with great pleasure the day i created her

I love her smile. I love her ways. I love to hear her laugh.
And the silly things she says and does.
She brings me great pleasure. This is how i made her.

I made her pretty and not beautiful, because i know her heart
And knew she would be vain....
I wanted her to search out her heart and learn that it would be Me in her
That would make me beautiful...
And it would be Me in her that would draw friends to her.

I made her in such a way that she would need me.
I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be...
Only because i need for her to lean and depend on me.
I know her heart - I know if i had not made her like this
She would go her own chosen way
And forget me...her Creator.

I have given her many good and happy things...
Because I love her.

Becuase i love her, i have seen her broken heart... and the tears she cried alone.
I have cried with her and had a broken heart too.

Many times she has stumbled and fallen alone.
Only because she would not hold My hand.
So many lessons she's learned the hard way because she would not listen to My Voice.

So many times i have set back and sadly watched her go her merry way alone.
Only to watch her return to My Arms sad and broken.

And now she is mine again.
I made her and then i bought her....
Because i Love her.

I have to reshape and remold her...
To renew her to what i had planned for her to be.
It has not been easy for her or for Me.

I want her to be conformed to My Image...
This high goal I have set for her.
Because I Love Her.

The Cleaning Capt'n

Let me begin this evening by telling you that it is a shock to find out that someone likes you and the bad part about it is there straight.

I worked with this one guy lets call him (Juan), He was my cleaning capt. at the job where i work.
Everyday juan would come in like usual at 8 o'clock sharp, not a min early or late. he did his usual and went on about his mary way. well i started hanging out with him on a daily basis, in the afternoon when we both would get off, we would go and have a drink and go home. juan decided he was going back to his home town. so i helped him get a bus ticket and headed home he went.

I talked with Juan last night and we talked about everyting, i mean everything, he was telling me how much he missed me and how much he wanted to give me a hug and hold me and all that, i was like WHOA, dude your straight, at least that what you claim to be anyways, he told me that he had went to jail and he had a bitch in there. i was like, so what you trying to say, im yo bitch now, he was like NO, YOUR no where near that. your special to me, your a friend and i hope to be more than a friend.
I just was in shock when he said that, and somehow i hoped he would have said that before he decided to leave this town, but he didn't. Well to make matters worse, he now wants to date me and i dont know what to tell him, i did tell him that i have a friend that me and him could just be friends an that was it, he really didnt like that idea but was ok with that for the time being and he told me that if the relationship didnt work out he would still be there, and i reminded him that he was straight once again and that i was not, and that we both know where we stand and all, he was like i know all about you and im comfortable with you at all times. thats why i have let you know now how i feel twards you and all.

It was a shock and all, i dont have a clue as to what to do just yet... i will hav to make my decission soon.. unitl then.......GO ME!!!!!!!!!!

Fresh Start

It has been nearly a month since i last wrote to you guys, I haven't really had alot going on, this is the month where i find out if i have to have my surgery, or NOT, iM hopeing NOT.
I went to the Dr last week and he gave me some type of pill that really keeps me calm at all time to keep me from snapping on someone, i really needed that one, i guess.

I met this really Kewl guy that i think i like alot, His name is not that important, at this present time lets just say that im happy right now, for the mean time, i dont know where it might lead to i hope to more happiness for me, who knows what the future holds for me and for him.

Id also like to say that i have met alot of people in my time and most seem to be pretty kewl kats at times, but some can really be a bitch or a turn down for me, especially if i give 100% an they give NONE!!!!

MOTHER

We all have some kind of struggles as we're goin thru life. The biggest challenge 4 1person, can be just piece of cake 4another.
The madness we face
The games we play
The hurt we deal with
The tears we cry.
The love we share..

Eventually all will come2 end

But..
There is only 1person remember ur smile when u come in the room,
the 1st time u walk,
ur 1st word,

YOUR MOTHER!

The greatest pain any MOTHER has 2go thru is to BURY her
own children.

Live strong
Live long
Make ur mother PROUD.

We were meant to live for so much more..