May Today Be All You Need It To Be !!

May today be all you need it to be. My the peace of God and the freshness of the Holy Spirit rest in your thoughts, rule in your dreams tonight, and conquer all your fears. My God manifest himself today in ways you have never experienced. my your joys be fulfilled, your dreams be closer,and your prayers be answered. I pray that faith enters a new height for you; I pray that your territory is enlarged. I pray for peace, healing, health, happiness, prosperity, joy, true, and undying love of God

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I have covered a lot of grounds over the past 12 years since I came out to my moms about my sexuality. Here just recently I thought about how much pain and suffering I have went through and how I have put people though. It is very hard living my lifestyle and being me to the point that I don’t want to be me anylonger. I find myself weaping over things that I cannot controll. Getting angry at people cause they don’t like the way that I am. Is there some type of change that I am going through that I should know about?

Over the past several months id say prolly 8-10 I have been in many relationships that ended up being just a lust for the other person or myself. I don’t dislike the person cause of what they desire, I dislike the fact that they used me or visaversa to possiably get that desire then thrown away like a worn out rag. An understament came across me this evening, someone had fallen in love, Hmmmm… ODD one for me….

I was in love once and it swept away from me.. this was long before my moms knew anyting about me…

Well to make things a little shorter, The person I am refering to is a person that I have spoken about in previous conversations… He is a one of a Kind guy that I would like to get to know more about and all, although he thinks that I have lied to him twice but I don’t recall ever lieing to him. Not to my knowledge. If I did I do appologize, I do recall jumping down his throat and jumping to conclusions about things, but if you was to read some of the things that this person writes you would think the same lines that I did when I read them..

What is the world coming to where every human being is after some type of sex act? What do we have to say for ourselves. I have sat online for hours and hours just trying to see who and what I could get myself into and when it boils down to it , I really didn’t want to do anything at all, it was all part of my immigination. Or at least I thought I did. I can sit in my bedroom for hours, even If I have to work that day I can sit and just chat up a storm with just about anybody and before that conversation ends im making a date to sleep with them? Boy that does make me look bad, I mean real bad, Am I that desperate that I need to have sex that often or is it just cause im lonely and cant find the right person to fill what is lost or emty… I tend to judge people before I know anyting about them, I plan to change that but it does take time and time is patience and paitence is virtue, so the say. Well my virtue is about out..

Commenting on the subject about being in love I wrote to him and said these words to him in a round about way “ I don’t know who you are refering to but I don’t know if I want to know and will regret knowing.” Deep down I do want to know cuase if it is me (maybe maybe not) then at least my mind will somewhat be at ease.. To all the readers that read though my blog if you know me and know me well then please do not judge me, therfore I would not judge you about things that you write. And for those of you just not gettig to find out things of my nature please do not get offended or stop reading due to things that you have read thus this far. Im working on a better me and I would not like to do it alone..